I should be doing my annotations for the oh so wonderful Great Gatsby, but I have a lot on my mind.
I try to help people, yes. With my parents for example. I tried to put that weight on and do everything in my power to fix it. That was the biggest area where I saw that occuring, so I got rid of it. Now after gettting rid of that huge weight it's shedding light on more areas in my life where I do the same things that were smaller and almost overlooked. And I've realized I have to work on me first. I think Rachel P. said something about that after I mentioned the situation with my parents at Revolution. And I'm glad she did, because it's sticking with me. My sister. She and I fight constantly...yikes! Letting the truth out for all the blogging world to see. ;) But we do. And after getting angry enough, we do what every good sister-sister relationship does - we point out all the negative things wrong with each other. Hey, family knows all the bad things about you that you secretly hope never leaks out and assure yourself will go away once you get out of the house and away from those people. ha. And I have things that bug the mess out of me about her and she, sure enough, has things that bug the mess out of her about me. But we never solve those things about ourselves that bug the other (not little things like forgetting to put the cap back on the toothepaste or putting the lid down on the toliet (that was my brother's specialty) but the bigger things that cause the fights and cause the deeper anger that grows with the littlest things), we just get mad and cool off. But when we're all chill and one person has a problem, the other tries to help. But that person dosen't take you seriously and dosn't think of you as well as you would like because they see your flaws and know you did nothing to solve it. And at that point, I come in.
I've realized I need to work on me before I can help anyone fully and lovingly. I need to work on my toungue and on what I do when anger arises. I can't contiunly pointing out the problems with other people, but look at myself. And it's not even really intentionly, you know the whole dust in your brothers eye but you forget to see the plank in your own. It's not like I'm intentionally being fake and keeping my plank in my eye while I try to fix everyone elses, it just is. And I'm working on it.
And one more thing that's been on my mind. Chris and Jenni Graebe. They're comming to visit Clayton soon. Rumors of a mafia party as well. ;) But I've been thinking about them a lot. I think I honestly have nothing but love for them now. I don't care if I know every detail in their leaving or not, I honestly still love them. And I was thinking about how people say that they don't keep in touch with us personally, but I gotta think about Jeff Kapusta. He dosn't keep in touch with us personally - when he see's us he says hey and seems to genuinly care, but he dosn't keep that 'youth pastor' role in our lives. He can't. Maybe c3 asked Chris to not keep in touch with us as much so we don't hold on to him. And maybe they didn't. I'm not sure, those are just GUESSES so don't repeat it because it's not anything with basis or prior knowledge. And maybe that was just Chris and Jenni's decison, to not keep in touch with us on a deep day to day level because they thought it would be easiest. For both them and us to move on with our lives. When they see us, I'm sure they will be like Jeff and hug us and ask us how we are doing and geniunly CARE about us. I'm sure they still do. I'm sure they think about us and pray that we are doing God's will and hope for the best with us and with our new youth pastor.
I dunno. I don't want to put words in anyones mouth, lol, that's just what I figure.
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