Staying and running.

Kutless was the first Christian CD we really bought. When we, my brother and I, listened to it, I was so caught up in all the 'harder' stuff, because I was really into that kinda stuff. My brother is the one that pointed out this song. And of course, I looked up to him like no other and instantly fell in love with it. I remember that time. That was the time when we were going to youth group every once in a while, both of us tredding the waters, and when Jeff just started being the youth pastor.

And then the path diverged. I went diving into it with all I had and he didn't. It just makes me wonder what makes people do different things, what makes them have a harder time letting go of things than others. What was the deciding point in his brain, and others, that said, "naw, I don't want this."? Or the point where they stopped trusting, so therefore stopped being able to trust in God. Maybe mine was something like, "I don't have enough self-confidence in myself, I can't even trust myself to fall - I need all the help I can get!" Even if that seems shallow, maybe, that's where I was. Maybe others brains say, "I want to see what's out there, this person close to me has it together, so if I ever need it I can just go to them, because I know they'll be there. So they'll be my bridge to God later." Or maybe, "I've trusted in too many people before and they have let me down. I know you're there God, I do, but I can't give you it all, I just can't. Even if it's a pit down here, I need control." Or maybe there are a thousand others. Not maybe, there are. Maybe it has something to do with personalities. Some want to impress others so much that they can't deal with the pressure of being different. Some have others.

It's a thought to think about and explore. I need to get ready now.

"Run"

Why do you run
why do you hide
oh don't you know I just,
just want to be with you.

Looking down from above as you watch TV
Wondering why, oh you're ignoring me
Do you remember,
remember when I came to you
And you loved me

And I'm waiting for you
And I'm waiting for you

Why do you run
why do you hide
oh don't you know I just,
just want to be with you,
to be with you
Hey, why do you run
why do you hide
oh do't you know I just,
just want to be with you, to be with you...

Whatever happened to the love,
the love you had for me
When you first came to me
Don't you know that I died,
died so I could be with you forever.
And I'm waiting for you
And I'm waiting for you

Why do you run
why do you hide
oh don't you know I just,
just want to be with you,
to be with you
Hey, why do you run
why do you hide
oh don't you know I just,
just want to be with you, to be with you...

Find a place of solitude,
and I'll speak to you
As you pray to me
Don't you know I'm waiting here,
waiting for you to read
and hear my words
I'm waiting here
missing the time the times we shared
oh, please come to me

So, why do you run
why do you hide
oh don't you know
I just, just want to be with you,
to be with you
Hey, why do you run
why do you hide
oh don't you know
I just, just want to be with you, to be with you...