A heart's desire and a dream

This is my heart's desire.

All I want, more than anything in the world, is to throw off all of the 'stuff' that keeps me back from being Christ's Disciple and the things that allow me to rest as a Christian. It hurts my heart to see things from the outside in because I know that it is all 'stuff' that is keeping everyone back from focusing only on Christ and growing in Him. All I want is to follow in His perfect will for my life and to see that happening in the lives of those around me.

I'm weird. I don't do things the same as other people. But I feel like I must do it this way to grow in Christ, so that I have no hinderances from keeping me from following His will.

All I want is to be uncomfortable: to never be at a point in my Christian walk where I am comfortable just being. I want to itch inside everytime I walk into a room and feel the need to talk to someone that doesn't know Christ, I want that desire to burn inside of me. And I want that for others. I want us to rise up and to take a stand and to wake up from our comfortable easy going, Christian lives. I want us to dig into the Word and to ask questions, and be at a place where we can dig with a shovel and grow with the people around us. I want us to be ready for Battle. That's another reason why it hurts me so much to see the immature shapes and triangles that seem to be going on. It hurts because I realize that it would be so much greater and more beautiful for all of us if we would throw off what WE want, and instead pick up with force the battle clothes that we need to be His soldiers. I want us to rise up as brothers and sisters in Christ, to help each other grow and to encourage each other through the good and the bad.

hm. I may add to this later, but this is really on my heart.

Edittt*// Wednesday - 11:00am.

Today I woke up thinking about a dream that I had last night. It was a pretty sweet dream, but didn't hold it's true unbelievability until I remembered the prayer I had last night. My last prayer was that God would show me what he wanted me to do and where he wanted me to be and show me only what He wanted. A bunch of people were at school (yeah, gross. :D) and I'm not sure what we were doing but it ended up where we were listening to some Christian music during school because we had this rad hardcore Christian teacher. I could feel the hostility in the air (and this is crazy because I never remember my dreams.) and I was a bit scared of turning it on and offending anyone. Well, while listening to some music some of the people that were around us started to get angry because they were athiests or whatever and went to the admistration to tell them. They made us turn it off and all that. All of us were hurt and discouraged. Then, in the sorrow, this one girl started singing the song that was turned off. As she kept singing it, all of us started singing along. Then, all of a sudden everyone was talking to people and praying for them and really making something happen! It was so cool. And before I knew it I was standing up telling my fellow Christians to stop sleeping and to wake up. And how we needed to reach out to those that didn't know Christ because the Battle was going on. I was saying how if we loved these people we wouldn't want to look the other way when their eternity was in Hell and how we didn't want to get letters from Hell. It was insane. Then the dream turned into all of us in a room with the teacher that was the hardcore Christian. He was explaining to us stories that had happened to him in the Battle and how he got to where he was in all of this. He had been going to a classroom to get out this student about some grade and he ended up witnessing to him! (ha, yeah, he'd totally be fired in the administration now.) But he was telling us about the struggles he faced and how he overcame them.

I haven't finished analyzing the dream, but I've always had this vision that one day at school if I stepped out of my comfort zone and when God told me to, to just start praying over someone some crazy things could happen. This reminds me of it. And the teacher, I believe, symbolizes people older, who have been through more, to be mentors. I guess the dream goes through the stages we'll probably go through. The step of faith. The set-back. The getting back up again and becoming stronger through it. Then the coming back together and talking about our struggles and how to overcome them. It reminds me of Paul and everything that went on then. It makes my heart excited for things to come! Or the things that could be. It makes me anticipate it and wonder, why not NOW? Becasue I am stuck at home and feel like I can't do anything. I guess now is a time to work on my family. I'm not always the daughter and sister I want to be, ha. I def. need to work on that. I've heard it say before that 'you're only as holy as the way you are at home.' ha. That's scary, but seems true. I'm working on being a better daughter and a more loving sister.

hm. more to think about. :)