Sometimes God can't show you things until He can open and close doors in your life.

A week ago I was in the cafe sitting at a table alone with my head down because I was extremely tired. Patience walked by and sat down on her way back out, asking me how I was doing and about life and my future. We talked and I explained about my college dilemma and how I was afraid that I hadn't opened the right doors for my future. She said something about how sometimes God can only show you your next step through each door. (Sorry Patience, if you read this and it's not exactly what you said) But she said something like that. It just made me think and pray in my innermost heart for God to direct me to what he wants. I prayed that God would send something in the mail from Liberty if He wanted me to even apply or acknowledge that as an option. I hadn't gotten anything from them in a while so I figured it would be easy not to get anything. The week was going by without any thought on the matter. Then, on Thursday, my mom handed me the mail that I had gotten. I took it without much thought, but then I realized what I was holding, and it was something from Liberty. I was just like, "Alright, God, so I guess this means I'm not going to keep that door closed shut, but it's your call."

I called Wilmington that afternoon, seeing what was up, and I left feeling discouraged. After explaining the whole big thing, explaining that I even turned it in early, they put me on hold for 5 minutes and then came back asking if I was Amanda Francis Boyle. I was like, no Amanda Marie Boyle. She told me that it was ready to be looked at, and I was like, well when do you think I will hear back? And she said, Idk, maybe by April 1. I mean, it wasn't like it was the worst news to ever get, but still, I was just thinking, if there is so much crap going on with all this, is that God telling me that he doesn't want me going there or is it God telling me that I will appreciate it all the more if I get in?

So I went into Revolution praying that God would give me some clarity in the matter. I told some people about what happened so I felt relieved that I had people aware and praying about it. That first night, Friday night the people from Youth quest went up on stage giving away prizes and that kind of stuff, and then they said that people could fill out an application for Liberty that weekend for free, when normally it was $40. I was thinking, "Ok, God, I'll do that." I had filled out the application a while back up till the 250 word essay, but had never finished it, so that was letter a in the matter.

Then letter b. We were driving home in the Stephenson's car and we were talking to Cassie, our youth quest leader. We were talking about our future colleges and she said how when she was thinking about colleges she applied to two colleges. She told God that whichever one she heard back from first would be the one she would go to. She ended up hearing from Liberty first, but that's not really a surprise to me, they are fast at getting back to you. But the thing was, she said that the other college's acceptance letter got lost in the mail. I thought about the mess that was going on with Wilmington and took that into consideration. letter b.

Then there were a couple more letters that seemed silly, but still odd. For one of the events that we played Saturday we had to spell REVOLUTION with ourselves. We decided to take the easy way out by writing it on ourselves. I ended up randomly getting the LU on myself. The weird thing was is that I thought it said E so I was surprised when I realized that when we were lining up I was the LU. lol, silly I know, but it was those little things. I was talking to Tammy and I was like, "But, I WAAAAAAANT God to just tell me! I want a lightning bolt or a crash or SOMETHING to tell me what to do." But I was reminded by her and by Chris Pope that God speaks in the whisper, not the fire or the storm. So, that leads me back to my predicament. Were those whispers or was it just...whatever it was.

One of the reasons why I didn't really want to go to Liberty was because I wanted to stretch my faith and I didn't want to be in an atmosphere that is all God all the time. I guess what I mean is that I didn't want to be in a bubble of Christianity and not be faced with people that aren't Christians. But I don't think that will be the case. I mean, yeah, it's a Christian atmosphere, but there are gonna be people who don't believe in God outside of the college. I was afraid that it was going to be like a never ending Christian camp, but that's kind of a blind way of looking at it because life happens everywhere. People struggle everywhere. The problem that will arise in a Christian school is just going to be the sins that are covered up because it's a Christian college. Idk, I have pros and cons with everything, but it's just what God wants.

Wilmington:
pros - A great writing program, the beach, Lifepoint, people I love are there, a place to stretch, test, and challenge my faith, other options if I don't feel like writing is the direction I want to go, probably other cool things, but I haven't looked into it as much.
cons - the fact that I'm having such a hard time hearing back, I may end up hating the campus because I've never been there besides a drive by, lol, many opportunities to fall into bad stuff (not a big con because that's kind of dumb - you will or you won't), expensive as well

Liberty:
pros - Beautiful campus, many opportunities for missions including Thailand, many great speakers, a possible roommate, lol, cool bus things that take you around it, $1.50 movie theatre, many biblical classes - which is awesome because I'm really interested in that stuff, I always wanted to go there in middle school though I don't know if that should hold a lot of value, a variety of people from all over
cons - writing is offered in journalism as a minor - nothing in that category as a major, muy muy expensive = muy muy in debt after college, many rules (though that's not a huge con either.), my faith becoming routine/becoming caught up in a "church" high, my sociology class' and bible studies' credit may not transfer out of state

JCC/Wake Tech:
pros - cheap, I won't be in huge debt by the time I get out of college, easier, Emily is going to JCC, Krysteah and Mitch are going to Wake Tech, if I'm not completely sure I can always go there and then transfer
cons - Not a huge stretch, not so sure I would want to go there, staying at home

I'm not sure what God wants, but I'm willing to listen (of course!). I think my biggest prayer now is that I will just have ears to listen. Chris Pope said something Sunday night that I loved. He said, "'Talking to God' always requires us to listen, but not always for us to talk." I guess that's me right now, even though it's hard for me to not put my two-cents in and not think it's golden. ha.

Btw, this weekend taught me a lot! Reflecting on it and taking it in.