I stumble, You teach, We grow

I'm growing up. tear*tear. I'm realizing that more as I step back and look at situations that have happened and how I've responded to them. And I guess I can only say I'm growing up because I'm learning through mistakes I've made & I'm realizing that life would be a whole lot better if I could grab myself by the shoulders on one of my worst days and be like, "Look you! You need to calm and buckle down because in a few days your going to look back at yourself, chuckle, and just shake your head. It would be a whole lot better if you understood this now, instead of later" Oh, silly me. But I'm thankful for a God who is Steadfast, even when I'm all over the place.

I'm learning a lot more about obedience through these situations. Like, something will all begin. A little voice inside of me tells me, hey do this. I'm either too lazy or I don't think it should be done or will help the situation at all, so I don't do it. Now fast forward to the ending...come to find out I should have been persistent and I would have found a different way, but it would have solved some things. Or when I'm having a crappy day and God is telling me to read Captivating or read the Bible and I'm just stubborn and I'd rather be miserable then listen to Him...hey, there obedience, you always creep up on me...so I don't read it. Then, the next morning I start reading it and it was exactly what I needed to hear the night before. Thank God His mercies are new every morning! Or I would be toast!

I think lately, I was letting Satan attack me. I was letting doubts come to me about if I was doing the right thing by going to the Honor Academy...and doubts that I was doing the right thing because the fundraisers weren't working out. But I read Oswald Chambers today and I don't think it hit then, but it's beginning to. It was on being faithful to HIM! Through those acts of obedience and through knowing Him, not having to know where He is leading you, but through those little acts of obedience His way will be made clear. I'm beginning to learn that. And oh boy, is it so hard for me! Just last night I was thinking about how I hadn't been messing up in a certain area for a while...then this morning I totally did! I'm just learning so much lately that I can't really contain fully all of what I am learning...but I'm a work in progress, and I'm moving forward constantly...learning from Him and about Him. That's the only way we'll ever get anywhere. Isn't that the truth! Through all of this, He's teaching me to hear His still small voice...and with any prayer, to listen.

So yeah...I'm loving this life that He has blessed me with, only because He is leading it. I wouldn't have it any other way. If I need to die more to myself (which I KNOW I do), then teach me Father.