So I just found out what the exact reason is of why I can't go to camp...

dfkdjsflsdjfsldfsdkfjsldfjfd.

Priorities Priorities.

No Pennsylvania for me, the heck I'm going.

Confrontation. Honor. Wisdom. Oh wisdom and the right words come quick!

My joy will not be stolen.


Please don't make assumptions as to what this is about. You may be right, you may be wrong. But don't make assumptions.

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I don't like scary movies. I hate being scared. Last night I had a nightmare - the reason why I hate watching scary movies. I woke up in the middle of the night not wanting to go back to sleep. Do you remember when you were little and that happened? You'd wake up from a scary dream and you wouldn't want to go back to sleep, turn on the light, or even move. Eventually you muster up the confidence to run downstairs into your parents room really really fast so you can hurry up and poke them, asking if you could sleep with them. They seem to take forever to wake up in your mind as you fidget and stand there, makding quick looks behind you completely vulnerable to being attacked. Finally they wake up enough to muster up a drowsy 'yeah' and you climb up into their bed. Feeling, at last, safe.

I was reminded of that last night, and even thought about reliving my childhood memories and doing just that. ;) Then I thought about how I've grown. Still freaking out, but now in a more mature way. I had the fear that I had when I was a child, but not of the boogyman or monsters. My fear was in the Enemy. After the nightmare I had, I felt like there were spirits in my room. Crazy, right? I was frozen. I didn't want to turn on the light, I didn't want to move, I surely didn't want to go back to sleep to have a sequel of the dream. And then the thought came to me. If I could just get to my Bible and read from it I'd be safe. I had heard in the past that Satan can hear you talking, but not your thoughts. So with all my might, like when you were little and about to make a run for your parents room, I turned on the light. Still scared from the nightmare, I hurried up and grabbed my Bible and opened it up. Of course, I turned to Psalms, that's normally what you'll turn to because it's in the middle of the Bible. I started reading and it was so cool because it was David talking about fear and about God rescuing him and stuff like that. I started to feel my nerves calm down and my heart slow as I talked to my Father.

I thought about how we can let ourselves fall into the stage where we become vulnerable to the Enemy and to the fear that happens because of that. I had just watched a scary movie on lifetime (I know, weird right?) and then I watched some of the uncommon diseases that have happened to people. It freaked me out. (my mom, delea, and ashley were watching it, I was half watching it, half trying to busy myself.) One, because I'm not good with doctor things to begin with and two, because I feel that when I watch scary movies they are extremely real. I always feel that way because I feel that the battle between Good and Evil is so there, and so real, so when I see Evil Spirits and things that can happen to you I get freaked. That's one of the reasons why I am incredibly jumpy in scary movies. I feel so vulnerable to be attacked.

Last night when I woke up from that nightmare, I felt like I was being attacked. Just like there are Spirits of Wisdom and the good stuff, I think there are spirits that are of fear and of evil. Does that sound weird?

I knew as I was watching that movie and I was getting freaked out that I was making myself vulnerable. I knew that I didn't want to be exposed to that because I didn't want to have the fear that comes with it, and ultimately - the bad dream, and then the aftermaths.

I guess that's how it is with everything we come across. When we let ourselves become vulnerable to Satan's attacks, when we start off with that little white lie, or we go out with that boyfriend who's not a Christian, or we start to see ourselves in little ways that we know are not right, or we start to back talk our parents, or we start to care about what people think, and stop caring about who God wants us to be. As we start off in those little ways, something tells us that we are setting ourselves up to be attacked, but we ignore it. I know I have. But we just keep going, thinking we're invincible, thinking that the scary movie won't bother us, that we'll stop watching it before it can get to us. But then, before we know it we're having that nightmare, or in other words we're in completely over our heads until finally we wake up. We crash and we have to deal with the waking up. We have to deal with the aftermath. Once we wake up we may either "read His Word outloud" and become secure in Him or we go running like when we were little kids to our parents' room. We got to a pacifier. Something that will make us feel secure for a little while, but doesn't last.

Statn has come to steal, kill, and destroy, but I have come so that you may have life and have it to the fullest. John 10:9-10 (I'm pretty sure, from memory atleast, don't kill me if it's not right. ;))

I really feel that there is a battle going on. I've said it a million times. I'm pretty sure I've said it even on this one already and countless other blogs, and I'll probably say it again. It's between Christ and Satan. We either stay in our ways, our way of doing things, our sinful ways, or we committ to Christ, we die to ourselves and we live for Christ. And you better believe that Satan is looking for our weaknesses. He's looking to see where we are vulnerable and where he can attack us. I hear so many people wonder why they keep getting attacked when things have been going so well, or why bad things happen to them, or why they can't completely get out of their sin. Of course they are going to happen to you! Is what's going on in you one of your weaknesses? BINGO! You are going to be attacked where you are weakest becaue if you weren't, how would Satan ever get anywhere? I thank God so much for Him being the other side of this battle. Because He is fighting for our souls. He is there when we face the waking up. He is there when we finaly give up ourselves and take up the cross.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" James 1:2-4.

When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. James 1:13-15

If this is the battle, will we be Soldiers?