So yeah. Here's something that has been on my mind. Part of me feels like I should have fought a little more try to go to Urbana. If you don't know what that is go to urbana.org. It's basically this conference for college students held every three years and geared to help you figure out what God has called you to do in the global aspect of the world. There are missions organizations from all over, speakers, breakouts, and other college students all seeking the same thing. Some OMF friends I met over in Thailand are going to be there! But it was $400 for the ticket (not including getting there), in St. Louis, Missouri, and I had no group to go with since I'm currently in community college. So I decided to buy a Passion ticket. Journey's going, in comparison quite more affordable, closer, and Francis Chan and John Piper will be there! They also focus on helping with human and sex trafficking which has always been burdened on my heart. So I know that God will work it all together but let me just get out the reasons why I feel like I should have prayed about fighting a little more for Urbana:
1. I'm in a weird place. I started freshman year in the Spring semester and so that means I'll be finishing my Associates degree this time next year. Upon starting college I had a pretty set goal: Journalism degree. But the more I studied what all that entailed the more I was worried it would be too much newspaper for my liking. So, friends suggested a communications degree. It's definitely broader and I could pin-point on journalism in the classes I chose. Next, I looked for the best schools for both a Journalism and Communications degree. UNC Chapel Hill is definitely the top public school for both those degrees. Problem: they don't accept spring transfer students. So that leaves me searching for other schools. Other schools definitely have those degrees, I'm just wondering what the best one would be. And of course then I wonder if this is the best degree to go for. I know what I'd like to do but would I even be any good at it? I can't even eloquently write this, granted it is 2AM. Grammar escapes me because of my lack of practice.
2. It's held every three years. Which means I won't be in college the next go around. There's a quote that says something like, "Opportunities of a lifetime must be seized in their lifetime." So yeah, that one gets me.
3. I didn't go to California for debriefing after coming back from Thailand. WHICH MEANS I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. Ha, totally kidding, but knowing really is hard. I had some perfect moments in Vietnam where I could see what I wanted to do and it fit somehow but dang, I'm tired trying to write this blog and nothing is coming out right = getting frustrated with myself and I can just imagine a year and a half from now being in college somewhere with no sleep, being in a degree that makes me write papers ALL THE TIME and I wonder how I might manage.
4. This is a pivotal time for me. The end of next semester will be when I apply to different colleges for their spring semesters to start my bachelors degree, wherever that is and whatever the degree. I mean, I could take a semester off after I finish my associates but dear goodness I'd be 24 by the time I start my bachelors and I just really don't want to do that. (If I'm ever to do The World Race I can't spend all my 20s preoccupied with college! :P)
5. That conference basically spells out me. Ha, I absolutely LOVE God's heart for the world and each person finding their place carrying out that mission. And talking with missions organizations and missionaries and figuring out about more of the different outlets that can be done in?! Especially since I feel like I want to do something non-traditionally missionary but still very much working with a missions organization and alongside missionaries reaching their people groups. Poop, I'm going to make myself depressed, ha.
6. It's also probably not helping that I follow them on twitter. My missions-minded heart can easily grow restless.
7. It's also that I have no idea what my future looks like. I'm quite aware that one decision is not going to dictate my entire life and heck, I'll probably find myself in different roles throughout my life depending on how He leads and how long He gives me! It's just hard to remember that sometimes. This life is all to do His will, I just have to remember that it can look differently in each season He has for us.
From the outside, I feel like I should have fought more for Urbana but at the same time I know that God is bigger than the box I put around Him and I honestly do trust that He will lead me each step of the way. I've just never been good at making decisions, especially big decisions like what to do for the rest of your life.. :P And I never know when I should walk away from a closed door or when I'm supposed to kick it down and fight for it. Ha, I should follow my own advice. How many times have I told people: "Don't be afraid of going outside God's will...if your heart is in that place to do His will, do you really think God will let you go?" Ha! I think I just need to constantly surrender my will for His. So I am excited for Passion and I'm praying that God continues to lead me and show me each step of the way like He always has.
Oh! And the best part! One of the OMF workers that I met in Thailand who is from The Philippines is not only going to be at Urbana but will be in Wake Forest in January because her sister is moving here from The Philippines!! This means I'll get to go see and talk with her! See, God's not done with me yet! ;)
2. It's held every three years. Which means I won't be in college the next go around. There's a quote that says something like, "Opportunities of a lifetime must be seized in their lifetime." So yeah, that one gets me.
3. I didn't go to California for debriefing after coming back from Thailand. WHICH MEANS I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. Ha, totally kidding, but knowing really is hard. I had some perfect moments in Vietnam where I could see what I wanted to do and it fit somehow but dang, I'm tired trying to write this blog and nothing is coming out right = getting frustrated with myself and I can just imagine a year and a half from now being in college somewhere with no sleep, being in a degree that makes me write papers ALL THE TIME and I wonder how I might manage.
4. This is a pivotal time for me. The end of next semester will be when I apply to different colleges for their spring semesters to start my bachelors degree, wherever that is and whatever the degree. I mean, I could take a semester off after I finish my associates but dear goodness I'd be 24 by the time I start my bachelors and I just really don't want to do that. (If I'm ever to do The World Race I can't spend all my 20s preoccupied with college! :P)
5. That conference basically spells out me. Ha, I absolutely LOVE God's heart for the world and each person finding their place carrying out that mission. And talking with missions organizations and missionaries and figuring out about more of the different outlets that can be done in?! Especially since I feel like I want to do something non-traditionally missionary but still very much working with a missions organization and alongside missionaries reaching their people groups. Poop, I'm going to make myself depressed, ha.
6. It's also probably not helping that I follow them on twitter. My missions-minded heart can easily grow restless.
7. It's also that I have no idea what my future looks like. I'm quite aware that one decision is not going to dictate my entire life and heck, I'll probably find myself in different roles throughout my life depending on how He leads and how long He gives me! It's just hard to remember that sometimes. This life is all to do His will, I just have to remember that it can look differently in each season He has for us.
From the outside, I feel like I should have fought more for Urbana but at the same time I know that God is bigger than the box I put around Him and I honestly do trust that He will lead me each step of the way. I've just never been good at making decisions, especially big decisions like what to do for the rest of your life.. :P And I never know when I should walk away from a closed door or when I'm supposed to kick it down and fight for it. Ha, I should follow my own advice. How many times have I told people: "Don't be afraid of going outside God's will...if your heart is in that place to do His will, do you really think God will let you go?" Ha! I think I just need to constantly surrender my will for His. So I am excited for Passion and I'm praying that God continues to lead me and show me each step of the way like He always has.
Oh! And the best part! One of the OMF workers that I met in Thailand who is from The Philippines is not only going to be at Urbana but will be in Wake Forest in January because her sister is moving here from The Philippines!! This means I'll get to go see and talk with her! See, God's not done with me yet! ;)
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