I love reading other people's blogs. Their creativity and different writing styles make my creative side flourish. I suppose it's because they inspire me and allow me to tap into a side of me that I often bury inside. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people are more of a realist in nature. And a few doses of realism are needed to keep the dreamers from never touching ground. But I know I'm a dreamer at heart because every time I start to read a blog that taps into a piece of my heart I've buried or I start to talk to someone or do something that causes my heart to stir and come alive I realize how much of a dreamer I really am. Or perhaps we all have a dreamer buried inside us. See, my realist side takes over when my insecurities take over, stemming from a long history of feelings of worthlessness and self-bullying. My realist side takes over when I quiet my dreams, when I quiet what God has told me because I'm tired of making people feel like they need to help me in accomplishing my dream. It's pride mixed with feelings of unworthiness that stifle my dreams which leaves me lonely and uncertain.
Because I want my heart to come alive. I was born to be a dreamer, to chase daylight, to dream bigger than I could imagine, to find where my heart comes alive and do it, to love and risk and give it my all. How else would a 12 year old fall in love with a country called Thailand knowing nothing more than its name and relatively where it was on the map? How else would a girl find herself in a small town in Texas doing an internship that stretched her more than anything ever had, finding a missionary kid who spent the majority of his life in none-other-than Thailand where his family still was? How else would she then spend 3 and a half months in that country along with a random decision to venture to Vietnam as well? All the while having different parts of her heart's pieces sewn in?
How? By following Jesus and a dream that was not randomly dreamt up but placed into her. And the most beautiful thing? Every-time this girl has needed some encouragement, has needed or didn't even know she's needed reassurance that she was on the right path, that something bigger was going on than she could ever know, it came. Prophesies she simply found herself in or were randomly given to her kept coming along the way. These prophesies all echoed each other in one way or another. And the crazy thing about it? They were all nothing that she could be on her own, and yet, they all tapped into her heart, into a place she didn't know was there, into a place she wasn't fully but would one day hopefully be. It all stirred her heart and confirmed what was being birthed.
And so the trick to continue being a dreamer, to continue living the dream and being fully alive in it? Quieting the insecure fearful realist that tries to show its face. It's to keep the heart open and alive, to constantly stir it even if it hurts, to continue to tap into fully living, fully loving, and fully dreaming. The trick is staying dependent and staying open. It's telling the lies where they can go and opening your heart to the truth that longs to wash over you. It's painful but it's beautiful. It's the hardest thing you'll do but it's the most rewarding way to live. There will be seasons where you can't see movement and your heart feels dry but as you continue to stir it you will find rivers and movement all around you.
It's the best decision, to be a dreamer. It's child-like in its faith and courageous in its dependence. While it would be easier to live as a realist, you will never fully come alive until you take a leap of faith.
1 comment:
Hey Amanda, I love reading your blog posts and getting a little glimpse of your heart.
Keep on dreaming, it's beautiful :)
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