praying

I've never been in such a state of prayer for friends than I have now. Like, really. But it dosn't feel heavy or unbearable. It dosn't feel like the prayers that I'm expressing are heavy and a burden. It's heavy to my heart, because I want for everyone to come out of refinment, fully raw, and growing together so that we are brothers and sisters for life. For life, I mean for life. That kind of friendship. It's heavy in the way that I can't fix it - but not in the way where I feel like I need to. Just in the way of waiting, and wondering, and seeing, and watching.

One thing - I think it's amazing how c3 is titled the 'hang out' church, and yet, here we are, the youth, striving, I mean striving for real life. It's just a side note that I can't help but think. Not in a rude way, but in a way that says "what seems on the outside isn't always how it is on the inside."

And I'm praying more specifically now. It's crazy where each of my friends are. When you think about what everyone needs prayer for. In their specific life. It's crazy where we all are. In different places. The things that are getting us down, the things that are bringing us to our highest. But we all have a common state. We're in a battle. And it's raging and it's fighting for our joy. It's becomming so much more REAL to me. (I don't think I've ever enjoyed Pastor Matt's sermons as much as this past week and the week before. I love when he throws off what he had planned and just goes with what God wants him to preach about. I love it.) But these pits that he's talking about. The pits in our Christian lives and the pits that people that arn't Christians are smacked in the face with. Good and evil is so REAL! Like, scary how real they can be. I just imagine what it would be like in the eyes looking down on the spiritual warfare. If for one day, we could see the spiritual warfare, like being way up in the sky and looking down on a boardgame that's being played, without seeing the hands of the people playing it. Just seeing it all move life-like. I think that would be crazy scary. My mom said something today when we were talking to Tammy Dejquay(no idea) after church in the parking lot tonight. She said, "It just makes you think about how we all go into church but when we come out we all have our pits in this world." As I was looking up at the sky, imagining this warfare, it became more real to me. It's scary when you let yourself keep thinking about it, but then when you think that you are living in Christ's freedom, it's not so scary.

So that's my life right now. I'm praying crazily for those around me. And breaking for what I don't know, but still know enough to pray crazily for them. ahh, if this is refinement, let it be sweet in the outcome.