This day, oh this day.

I went to Cornerstone Faith Fellowship this morning with my mom. It kind of fell into place because we got to church and my 4th and 5th grade people were like, "I thought you were taking off this weekend to go see Chris." And I was like, I didn't know if you remembered, so they were like, "go, go ahead. Go see if your mom still can take you. I want you to go." So we went. I felt sooo uneasy though when I got there. My heart felt uneasy, I don't know why. I still don't really know why. By the end of the day I didn't feel uneasy anymore. Maybe it was anticipation or something. But I was praying so much. So much that God would open my eyes to what He wants of me. My mom went up for prayer and she broke down crying. I stood beside her shaking. I went back to my seat and opened my bible. I came to -

Psalm 20:1

May the Lord answer you when you are in distress...

It was so short, but it was enough. It was enough to bring me comfort, that whatever God has in store for me, for my family, for my life, even for that DAY, He's got it.

We all went to Andys (me, mom, ashton, rushton, that whole gang, devon, chris, adell, all them.) It was nice to have chill time with them. It was just fun. I started to feel at ease, still wondering why I was so uneasy this morning (by the end of this I still will not know why I was uneasy)

Then, I got home and Delea told me Mitch and Joe had called. I called back and I met them at White Oak. We watched Prom Night. Hey scary movie, I don't like you, lol, I scream like a loon and talk the whole time about how dumb the people in the movie are and about how the people are dead, when the characters are wondering. It was a good time.

Then my dad picked me up from the movies and I got ready and went to Cornerstone Faith Fellowship again for their youth. My sister hadn't been able to go in the morning because she had to serve, so she really wanted to go to the youth. The service was amazing and raw. The worship was amazing. We started praying for each other - people started crying, I don't think there was a dry eye in the room. Well, not quite, but there was a LOT of wet eyes. There were guys crying, there were girls bawling, there was chains shattering. I was in such deep prayer and deep thought and I started to cry. Chris started praying over me. Then leaders - people that I had known a long time ago, started comming around me to pray for me. Then the leaders started going around praying for each student that was in there. It went on a good hour and a half after we were supposed to be done. I don't think I can quite grasp it. Mmm. The fast hasn't come a second too soon. Not only will I be praying for c3 - because I sooo will, I need to know what God wants of me. But I will be praying for God to show me more clear of where He wants me to be and to get back to praying, "God, break me. Spill all of me out. Pour into me all that is you. Let me walk into a room, every room I go to, and ask You how I can be used in that room. Let the atmosphere be changed in every room I come into contact with. Show me where you want me, unfold my life. Show my family where you want them. Let us ALL draw closer to You. Radically change us. Bring us together. Let me do what my role is in getting that done - let me be able to fufill that role. Break me, and give me the peace when I'm at the place you want me to be in that certain time. Fill me with your Holy Spirit to overflowing. So that everything I breathe and say comes from You Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, you are not just a small part of the trinity, you are a third of the trinity - fill me. When I do not know what to say, fill me with Your Spirit God. I do not want to stay the same. 'How could you come so far and stay the same?' Build the frienships that I have - build them so incredibly much. Let them be all that you desire them to be. 'You could have walked away, you coulda reached up into the sky, saved your life, not mine.' Help me to remember that. Help that to be so real in me and so earth shattering that I must move. There is a battle going on. I know this full well. Prepare me, I do not want to stay the same. This is not just a momentary high, this is my life."

Chris was talking about how in this past year and a half he has been reshaped soo much. God got rid of everything that was inside of him that was of him and filled him up with who God wanted him to be. It is evident that Chris is where he is supposed to be. I can honestly say that I look up to him as a person and that it is good where he is headed (LA - he's traveling around right now talking with elementary kids - it's soo cool.) I think in all honesty, one reason why I was so uneasy in the beginning was the fact that I was wondering the reaction that people would have on c3 because of the fact that he had left, and I wasn't even sure how he felt about it totally. I was uneasy because I wasn't sure what would be in his sermon because of how different the group was that he was talking to. They all shared something common so it might come out in what he said. I guess I felt like I needed a sword up just incase. It wasn't really like that though. ...I can't express this into words on the computer. You'd have to talk to me about this one.

Adell told me that it felt so right me being there tonight. And she said, it just goes to show you that God isn't just in one place. Her words were so true and were so full of wisdom. I'm praying for peace - not in what you guys probhably think, with my family, but just in where I'm heading, and even so much more than that than I could possibly express. I just...oh I do not know. There comes a time when silence is enough. And silence is all you can give when you are in a time of reshaping and praying and when You are searching for everything that God has in you. Silence is all you can give, so you can let Him speak.