I'm not ok with bashing, nothing healthy can come from that. Yet, I'm not ok with people being treated badly. I love people, and it doesn't sit well with me.
I always find myself at this point. It's like a fall afternoon in the middle of the woods when leaves have just fallen and you don't have a Rake. There is no clear path, I can't seem to find it until the Wind blows the leaves elsewhere. Yeah.
I want focus. And I want pure focus. I want uplifting words and fellowship. Eh, I hope I'm not making any sense, and yet I'm making enough.
I'm ok. I guess that's how I can describe myself: ok. I get to see my 5th grade girls tomorrow night before they go to 6th grade. I hope it will be more than good, especially after a conversation I had with one of the girls. eh, don't let it get to you. I'm glad to be back and hanging out with friends, but like it is always when you get back, everything is a bit off to you, because everyone is different, well I guess everything is different. But that's just an update on life, it's not really a bad thing. It's not at all, really. It's just different for you because yeah, lol. :) It's just ok. I sound so...depressed, haha, I'm not really, I'm just ok.
I like drumsticks, you know those ones where they have the cone and the ice cream with the chocolate and nuts? I'm sitting here with the wrapper in front of me, because I just ate one. My favorite part is at the very end where you get to the fudge part with the cone. Maybe that's how it is with life or parts of life. The stuff like the nuts and the actual ice cream and cone is great, but maybe you have to wait for the best part for last. I always wished the fudge was throughout the whole cone and then just a bit of ice cream and stuff on the top, but I guess that wouldn't be as meaningful. Because you wouldn't have to wait for that little bit of fudge mixed with cone at the very end. Or I wished the fudge was on the top or it was the first thing you ate, but it wouldn't be as meaningful to have it first. I've always done the same thing with fast food since I was little. I would eat the fries first and then wait for the sandwich. I liked "saving the best for last" as I would say. It meant more to me somehow. It's like you could be still and wait, knowing that things will fall into place, that the creator of the drumstick has the fudge waiting for you when you get done with the ice cream, and know that the sandwich is right there waitng in it's wrapper for you to eat, or you could get angry that the leaves are covering up your path. (And I know that's stretching what I'm saying here, haha.) So maybe life is ok right now with the ice cream and nuts and the fries, and that's cool. The ice cream and fries aren't bad, they are good. So I have to wait for the fudge and cone and sandwhich of life until a bit later. And there is beauty in the leaves, even if you can't quite see it right now.
(I thought about what you would obviously think that paragraph about the drumstick was talking about when you first read it, the whole waiting thing, but funny thing is, that's not what I was talking about, but it could have something to do with it.)
Oh wait, I just remembered that song by The Afters, Never Going Back to OK. oops, lol. well, this is a different kind of ok. It's not like a, "I'm ok with living life going through the motions and just being that kind of ok and mediocre." But it's more of a, "Life just feels ok, I still feel alive and I'm still moving, and I haven't pressed the easy button, it just feels ok."
lol. And I love all my friends, I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. :)
edit// - Friday.
I'm more than ok, lol, really. I think I just was in an odd mood last night. But it's all good in the hood. I can't wait for tonight to see my girls!
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