one part, two part, three part, all.

Tonight we had Ladder 49 on in the living room. When I say we just had it on, I mean it was really just half way over and we just turned it on and kinda barely watched it. Well it got to this point at the end where it was a really sad point and Delea remembered it. She went up real close to the tv and would get mad if anyone became loud or inturrupted her train of thought. I started to think about why she wanted to listen and watch so intently when she already knew what had gone on and what was going to happen in the movie. It was for the feeling of having the full affect. She didn't just want to experience the saddness and feelings that came with watching the movie partially, but she wanted to know and experience with the characters and the plot. If she was going to watch it she wanted to be moved. The same is true when I watch a movie or read a book. If I am distracted or have things going on around me it's not half as fufilling as when I am so lost and swept away in the book or movie. Whether it's a tear-jerker or a hilarious movie, I want to be completely consumed. The same goes with when I watch a tv show. I hate watching it when it's half over. I feel like I missed a huge chunk of it's whole entirety and I don't feel like it's worth watching. I want all of it or nothing.

Maybe that's how God created us to be. Maybe that's why He doesn't want us lukewarm, but hot or cold. Maybe there was destined a part and need inside us to have it all or have nothing, to give all or give nothing. Maybe some people are fine with going through life skimming the surface, but maybe, just maybe, deep down we want to really live. Maybe somewhere deep down we just want to be moved and consumed, and give our all or nothing for something, for anything. When people are just going through life, without a purpose and without joy in their lives, there is this want and need for something more. We want to fully live and to feel fully alive.

The same way we want to be thrusted into a novel or a movie is the same way we want to feel life. When I see the clouds in the sky I get completely consumed. Tonight when I was on the plane I was lost in the sky. It was just so beautiful. The way the sun hit the clouds, and the fact that those clouds were in fact the sky's floor was breath-taking. I realized I want to feel that way in all parts of life. When I'm living for Christ and when I'm loving people and caring about them I just want to be so lost in Him through it all. I want to give my all for Christ or it just won't be worth it. I want people to see Christ in me and to see the joy of Him flowing out of my life. Through the good times and the bad times I want to fully live and to experience life to the fullest and make the best of situations.

When Jesus called for His disciples He wanted them to leave all they had and follow Him. He wanted their all or nothing. When He died on the Cross He had to give His all or it wouldn't be worth it. You'd think it would have been alright if He would have gotten on the Cross and miraculously came off of it and gave all the Glory to God. But that wouldn't have cut it. He had to give His ALL, His LIFE or it wouldn't have been so amazing. Not only that, but it wouldn't be the ultimate sacrafice. To fully live doesn't always mean that it will be a happy thing. To give my all, I know it won't be easy. But when you are consumed in who God is and what He did, it will be totally worth it. I want to live my life fully not partially, to be consumed, and to be moved in all things.