Can't I just chill in the present for a few?

The future, the future, the future. Everyone is talking about the future. My parents are asking me about the future. blahblahblaaah. lol, I guess now is a good time to think about the future, senior year and all. Buuut, I instead, I try not to think about it. One - leaving, everything changing, it just makes me soo sad. We're all gonna go our separate ways and I wish not to think about that, or senior trip for that matter, because that means that after that we all shall sperse (I know it's probably not a word, lol.).

And then there is your educational future. Now that's a fun one. What will I choose? What will you choose? Come on, Amanda, your future's coming quick, what are you going to do?! What do you want to do?!

Eh, there is:
- JCC for two years so I can save money (plus I don't have a licence 'cause I'm lame and all that fun stuff.) and then transfer to a college college after.
- Community College at Wilmington and get a apartment with Rocky! :) It sounds fun, but I don't know if that'll work out.
- Liberty. I've always wanted to go there since middle school...but Idk. The place is gorgeous, I fell in love with it at CFAW, but I'm trying to figure out where God is calling me, and I'm not sure if it's at Liberty.
- YWAM. Youth With A Mission. Jenni's brother did it. It keeps coming up. But it's out of my comfort zone. And I will be a year behind because you take a year off to do it. Idk, that's probably shallow, thinking about having to be a year behind.
- The Honors Academy. Similar to YWAM but it's through ATF. It looked awesome, but anyone can make a cool video. Lol. I love missions. Have since I was 12. Even felt a little tug when I was a wee little kid at my church in PA after we left the Catholic Church. This missionary came and..well I talked about this on another blog, haha, pretty much: I felt a tug. I talked to a girl that tells you about it and stuff on the phone and it was so crazy because we were like kindred spirits instantly! haha, we started talking and we had so much in common! A sign or just awesome fellowship?
- Becoming a bum and either live with my parents forever, or living on the side of the street witnessing to other fellow bums. ...actually sounds pretty cool, but I don't think I could handle it. haha.
- Being a nurse. My grandma always wanted me to. She used to be one and when I lived in PA we were super tight. Yeah gram, I love you but too bad I hate blood. My own I can handle, but other people's? No thank you.

My parents think I should go into journalism. I've always thought about writing in a Christian magazine or something. So NC State is another option. I have never in my life even considered NC State. I always thought that only the people that were interested in farming went there. When everyone picked football teams I didn't care, but I liked the color blue better so I was always a UNC person. And UNC Wilmington was near the beach and it had the awesome Jeff Kapusta there, so in my brain there was no other school for me. It was always between Wilmington and Liberty. But, I don't think Wilmington would have what I would be interested in majoring in. They have a good teaching program. My mom always says I should be a teacher because when I fully understand something, I can totally explain it, even if I think I sound like a loon, I end up getting through to the person. Haha, like in my Advanced Functions and Modeling Class this guy had no idea what was going on and I had that class down pat, haha, so he would always ask me questions and when I was explaining them I thought I was doing a terrible job but he totally understood! I was like, lol, ok, sweet. And then I am forever helping Taylor and Mackenzie with their homework after school, and they start to understand. It's crazy, Mackenzie is going into 1st grade and is already working with money and stuff. That's not my doing of course, lol, she's a smart cookie, but I helped her with it once.

Lol, I don't know why I'm saying all this and wasting your reading time, but it helps me to get it all out.

I want to take the SAT again, but I have no idea how I'd do any better. I got such a good score on the PSAT but I took all my math classes so close together that now I don't remember squat. I don't feel smart. My SAT score wasn't bad or anything, but it wasn't what I wanted. If I go to a community college like my dad wants me to go to it wouldn't matter. There is nothing wrong with community colleges, it's actually way smarter to do it that way, and you get better grades, I just dk.

Ok, all that said: I don't want to focus so much on the future. If I stay stuck on the future for too long, I start to imagine and it becomes worry and fear and it starts to take over all of me. So no, I'm not going to be stuck on the future. Most of the time when I dwell on the future I've realized that God isn't in any of those thoughts. If He was then I wouldn't be so worried. It is coming close, yes, and I really need to seek what God wants, but as in dwell and fear and freak, I don't want to.

God knows the plans He has for me. So I will dwell in loving people now, and focusing on who and what He's putting in my life now and have faith that He will show me where He wants me to go.