A heart, broken.

My heart hasn't stopped breaking since Saturate. It simply has not. For different reasons, of course, different situations that cause the break, but it tares and rips none the less. It's a hurt that just sits in my heart and won't leave me. It's a hurt that stays so I will be constantly reminded. With each situation it is re-taring and reopening my heart. I think my heart is going under surgery, a surgery to rid myself of my feelings and my own selfish hurts, a refining, to hurt for what He sees and what matters.

I'm breaking for the people that I care about, and for this world. The blogs like the Obama one have a deeper hurt behind them than let on. I just hate sitting by while everything falls apart. And our mindset is almost to the point where we don't care that Satan has control in our own lives, including mine, even if we don't put it in those words. And frankly, that ticks me off - to no end, at the same time that it crushes me. (Righteous anger)

1 Kings 18:36-40
36 At the time of sacrifice, the prophet Elijah stepped forward and prayed: "O LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. 37 Answer me, O LORD, answer me, so these people will know that you, O LORD, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again."
38 Then the fire of the LORD fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.
39 When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, "The LORD -he is God! The LORD -he is God!"
40 Then Elijah commanded them, "Seize the prophets of Baal. Don't let anyone get away!" They seized them, and Elijah had them brought down to the Kishon Valley and slaughtered there.

Yeah, that RIGHT THERE. I don't always have the words. I'm not even sure I have all the words right now. I just love this story because it's like, BAM YOU ARE GOD AND I TRUST YOU ENOUGH TO STAND ALONE IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TURNED THEIR HEARTS AND PROVE THAT YOU ARE THE ONE TRUE GOD. OOO LORD, YOU ARE WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE AND FREEEDOM IS IN YOU. WHY CAN'T THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW YOU SEE? AND WHY CAN'T THOSE WHO HAVE GIVEN UP COME BACK TO YOU AND TRUST YOU WITH THEIR LIFE? WE ARE ALIVE BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE, NOT ON OUR OWN ACCOUNT, BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE AND WE'RE NOT. BREAK US FROM OUR APATHY. LORD IT IS ALL ABOUT YOU AND I'M TIRED OF SITTING BACK AND WATCHING THIS HAPPEN AND IT'S BREAKING ME TO NO END. LET US STOP AND PRAY WITH THEM, NOT JUST SAY WE ARE GOING TO PRAY FOR THEM. LET THAT NOT SOUND CRAZY WHEN IT'S MENTIONED. PRAYING OUT LOUD TO YOU IS NOT JUST A THING FOR A PASTOR TO DO AT CHURCH. OH, LORD, AND WHEN WE TURN OUR HEARTS BACK TO YOU LET US DESTROY THE IDOLS THAT WE HAVE PUT IN FRONT OF YOU. BURN THEM FOR US WHEN WE CAN'T DO IT OURSELVES. LET US NOT JUST PUSH THEM TO THE BACKGROUND BUT LET US SLAUGHTER THEM AND LEAVE NOTHING LEFT. BREAK US, OH PLEASE, BREAK US. THIS IS MY HEART'S CRY AND WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS BECAUSE OF YOU. LET THE WORLD SEE THAT. THIS IS MY HEART'S CRY.

Deuteronomy 31:6
6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.


"I want to wake up kicking and screaming, I want to wake up kicking and screaming. I want to know that my heart's still beating, it's beating, I'm bleeding. I want to wake up kicking and screaming, I want to live like I know what I'm leaving. I want to know that my heart's still beating, it's beating, it's beating, I'm bleeding." -Awakening - Switchfoot

"And he set me on fire, and I'm burning alive. With this breath in my lungs, I am coming undone. And I cannot hold it in and remain composed. Love's taken over me, and so I propose, I'm letting myself go, I am letting myself go." You are my joy - David Crowder Band