So many of my blogs are drafts. aha, but I've learned that I can become and let myself be more transparent then I probably should. Sometimes I want to be transparent but if it's not from Christ then I shouldn't be. I'm going to take a mini break from blogger, unless it's something that I really feel I need to write or if it's about something I've read in the Word. I've realized that it's become somewhat of a diary and that's not ok.
I'm learning a lot of new things though. I need an older adult that can pour into me. I've been so completely dry lately. Even after reading the word, even though I know it's not about the emotion mind you, but it's just plain HARD to go through life, this Christian life, when you don't have someone that can pour into you. God will always be my main source, but encouragement is needed. I went to Underground tonight - I can honestly say that I don't feel an ounce of shame at that. I love it because we are all the body of Christ, and if our main goal is salvation and discipleship and following what the Bible says, it does not matter where it is. After analyzing this concept, I don't believe that this is being transparent or toe-stepping, I believe that this is being real. Completely and utterly real. I would ask people with the most sincerity and love to not assume anything about anyone if they are not clear and 100% confident at what they believe to be truth. I've also began to challenge what I think is truth because that is the only way to grow and to never be set in your way of thinking. That's what I'm learning to do as well. Anyways, something was said tonight that really stuck. It was about how batteries have negative and positive charges. Negative being taking and positive being giving - of ourselves, gifts, wisdom, etc. And we get electricity when we are bridged together. We are supposed to be a light right? (Matthew 5:14-14) But what good is light if it has no electricity? It's not healthy when all you are doing is giving, just like it's not healthy when all you are doing is taking. It just won't work. You must have both. It's like a cup: when it's being poured into, it sometimes overflows just enough that it tips a little, but not so much that it topples over to everyone else, but just enough where you can still be poured into by the glass over top of you. I just liked that analogy.
I feel like people can fall so easily in their walk with God when they don't have someone older, who has been through different battles and struggles pouring into them. It breaks my heart to see people falling away and there being no one there to keep track of them to prevent them from falling, or to even know that they've fallen. Of course, this is a choice that one makes on their own when it all comes down to it; between them and God, but I do believe that when they have someone that they can talk to that will give them solid Godly advice it helps.
Do I, as a small group 5th grade girls leader, have a passion for these girls? Do I/Am I willing to go the extra mile for them by sitting down to play a board game with them instead of talking with the other adult leaders or scrambling to figure out the lesson for the week (because I have been doing that so much lately - I'm sad to say that it's become a sucking the life out of me chore each week instead of a passion)? Do I just stop and talk with them, honestly caring about what went on in their week? Of course, I can't ask the tough questions that will be able to be answered in time, but will I care what they are going through and will I challenge them to step out just a bit more? Will I be the difference that I want to see in others when they interact with the kids or will I just skim the surface, just doing my "job"?
This is something that God has been working in my heart. He is doing some kind of work in me that I can't explain, not for my Glory, but for His. As soon as I get comfortable something comes into my life that causes my heart to break once again. It's all about Him.
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