A ripple effect that doesn't quite make sense because I'm tired.

And I owe You me
For the rest of my life
I give it all to You
For laying down Your Life

And I beg You please,
Rescue me
You're my life, my everything


I can't sleep. It's funny how the times when you have to wake up early are the nights you can't sleep. Funny how insignificant and small that is.

Discouragement. And even bigger things than discouragement. But they lead to discouragement. And then Satan gets a foothold, because you are discouraged and upset and you forget about the bigger picture than the discouragement...the whole reason why discouragement is even there...to get your eyes off the battle.

Bare with me. It's late and I probably won't make much sense...but I never really promised to, did I? Ha, it's a funny thing to realize. Somehow weight is lifted from your shoulders.

But anyways. I'm not talking about fundraising...ha, people have been asking me so much lately how the fundraising is going and I've just been like, "It's going FINE!" haha, because it's just something I'm not used to and because I'm new at it so it's frustrating and stressful and worrisome.

And then worrisome in this picture is caused by fear (bare with me, it's a ripple effect). Fear drawn forth from others close to you that worry about the economy...and about needs being met. And that brings us to trust.

Trust being a step bigger. Trust in that God will provide...that God is enough.

And then when the people closest to you lose that: first the trust, then that leads to worry, then it leads to discouragement, and then it's dumped on you, but in reverse, so that you get the lesser of the evils first, but you don't realize where they come from at first....which leads to stress and frustrations. And it's this big ripple effect. Ha. And so while you're worried about the little "waters" as Pastor Matt said this weekend, what you should be really worried about is the Big Battle that is bringing all of this forth. In this case: trust in God and from that obedience...which is so crucial in leading a life for Him.

And then even that...when the trust is shaken, it will lead to other problems in life...if you don't trust Him, then where is your life going? You have given Satan a foothold. Apathy. Discouragement. Lies. Broken-ness...dkfjdklddkli...i don't care if that's not a word...ugh, i don't care that I didn't pay attention enough with vocabulary. And it screws up everyone else around you. And I'm mad. I'm mad. I'm mad. I'm mad.

But I'm not mad at just you. This is where my compassion comes in. I'm mad at the Enemy for getting that leverage. And I'm mad at the Body for not holding you accountable. And I am mad at you for not focusing on what matters. I'm mad at you for not trying. I'm mad at you for deeming other things more important. I'm mad at you for giving God credit for things you did. (And I'm not being hypocritical with all this...I'm fully aware that we all do this, I'm just being honest) I'm mad that Satan can so easily get the foothold. I'm mad. And I don't really know where to direct my anger at, or where it needs to go to help this, to solve this. Because I am NOT giving up. I am not letting this go. I am not letting you go. I'm not letting you get away this easily...it's not my decision ultimately, but I will not be silent and do nothing.

Father, in my heart I pray that you rescue me. Not from my situations, but from my mindset, and from my deep sadness and from my anger. Rescue me from this mindset on the "water" like the Israelites, but let me focus on the Battle, the War, the reason for all of this garbage. Whisper in my ear and let me be patient. You are not a God of seperation, but a God of unity. And I am here to claim that my joy will not be stolen based on circumstance and that You are ever here and you are ever knowing.

(Sometimes I hate that I'm so personal on these blogs...I show such a huge side of my self and I know that people read this...ugh, I don't know. I always think about the denying of myself when it comes to that though...if even one person get's encouragement from my...well, David-like behavior, then that's what matters I guess...what do yall think honestly? Do you think I should write this amount of depth in a blog? (I mean, only like two people should even know what I'm talking about up there, but still.) You can be anonymous if you want, I'd just like to know.)