Is Your Gift a Covering or a Ruby?

Wow. I'm "picking up the keyboard again." I can't believe it's been so long since I've written (on here anyways). It feels like it's been ages, probably because it has. And, you know what? It's okay and it's not okay.

It's not okay that I haven't written in so long because I know I let Satan steal A TON of blessings that could have been shared for all I've been learning. But, I'm not going to give him that foothold and feel condemned because the Lord shows His glory no matter what. Yes, I can start now & I should so that I can be a blessing as well as allow people back home to feel connected with me more. I feel like I've been bad with that. I don't feel that I have been staying connected with people as much, and I'm sorry for that. I'll try much more.

But it's also okay that I haven't written, for me at least. I believe God gives us gifts and talents to use for His glory. We all have them: Singing, writing, instruments, dancing, art, kite flying (haha, it's what popped into my head) and numerous other gifts. I believe one He gave me is writing (even when I'm not sure of that, I am sure that it's what I love and that's the same thing). But something I've noticed in this past semester since I haven't been doing much of that, is that writing is my comfort zone.

It's a harmful place to be when the gift God has given you becomes a covering instead of a device used to shine His Glory through. Because I love to write and that is the way I best communicate, I would use that to show who I am. It became what I hid behind when I had to explain myself and I would excuse myself from using any other form of communication by saying that I just love to write.

Since being here, I've been forced to be around these people AAALLL the time, and the Internet isn't really something firm that holds us together. I've been forced to get out of my comfort zone. I've had to start communicating my heart and my mind through my words spoken, which is the hardest thing for me. Anyone that knows me, knows that.

And because I was forced into action, I was also forced to search inside of me more and confront the fear that had taken root and foothold of me for so long. I believe two things that I'm learning about myself is that I have a fear of explaining myself...not of the actual content (my blogs are proof, haha) but of not being able to. There, right there. I have fear that I won't be able to communicate who I am. Stemming from there, it leads to a trust issue. That's the other weakness I'm learning about myself. I have a hard time trusting certain people because I'm afraid that I won't be able to communicate who I am and they won't wait around long enough to hear me out.

Fear and trust.

Horrible things to have taken root in your heart.

These two things are what I have been working on the most, as I reevaluate myself and find healing.


I think it's safe to say that we focus on the weaknesses so much more than our strengths. That can be harmful at times because instead of excelling in what He has given you, we can get swallowed in our weaknesses and miss out on being a blessing to others. That's something I'm realizing about myself. Because I'm with so many leaders and so many others that are extremely strong and growing, it can be easy to look at your weakness and feel inferior. It's hard to say, but it's hard for me to excel in a room full of leaders. If someone is "outshining me" in a sense, it's hard for me to see my gits and talents and shine forth as well. There is a problem in the focus. I can't just shine back at home or when I feel in my comfort zone, but I must learn to change my focus instead. If my focus is squarely and only on my relationship with God then it won't matter what other people are doing. Ephesians 4 talks about how Christ descended onto earth so He would be ascended higher. It's the same with us. He has given us all gifts and when we live in such a humble way, looking only to Christ than we are brought together in such unity, each doing it's separate work in the Body. That is an amazing picture for me. In the same way as Christ, when we decrease or, descend and take delight in others' giftings and when others are raised up, then before we know it Christ will have taken us higher.

The hard part is getting past our hard-headed minds and our constant comparison. And it also takes constantly getting out of our comfort zones to be able to realize where we struggle in the first place...definitely something that this place has done for me.

I want the strengths that He has given me to shine through my life. Like a ruby shines beautifully when light is shining through it, I want my life and my strength to shine brightly in the light of His life. I don't want to hide behind them, while not showing their full potential; instead, I want them to be an out pour of His love and magnified for His glory. Help me to guard my heart when the Enemy tries to pour out lies into me, for when he attacks the strongest, you know it's because God is about to do something big in and through you.