Control.

What/whom controls your life?

Now before we go and say the "Jesus" answer, let's really think about this. God has been making me these last few days.

I have come to realize that last year as an intern was all about me. All about me in the sense that I was being poured into, I was constantly being challenged to look at myself, to focus on my relationship with God, etc. So the lessons and the themes of my life were evident and constant. That is not a bad thing because it was what that year was about: giving one year of your life to God to mold, teach, etc.

Leaving has obviously felt like a major slow-down. You often wonder if God is teaching you anything in comparison. But looking back I see how He really has been. I see the lessons He was trying to teach me. I see the hurt that He allowed me to endure so that I could learn the lessons now, even though He was trying to show me all along. And these lessons are to prepare me for what's next, further seasons, and immediate upcoming seasons, to teach me to rest and trust in His ultimate plan. All these lessons are to show me His love over and over again even when I feel so undeserving.

He has recently given me revelation about control. What controls your life? What controls my life? And not the answer: Jesus or me. Because ultimately Jesus does control my life because one way or another I'll get there, the question is just when. I'm talking about the details of our lives, the thoughts of our lives, our daily choices, and whether we are living by the Spirit or by our flesh.

2 Corinthians 10:5 talks about how we are to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. He has been convicting me about that because it is so easy to take one idea and end up making it bigger than what it is. Such as my self-image...I have been letting the Enemy destroy me in this area lately and it has taken the Lord to open my eyes about this area to see bigger areas of where it stems from: all leading to the control on my life.

Ultimately, I have come to realize that I have been wanting to hold on to things that are not in my control, thus letting those things control me. It is important to address issues head on because you can end up pushing them down and then coming back to them, hurting again and again. Never let a person, a memory, an idea, an offense or anything hold control over your life...He is trustworthy to take care of it all.

I'm learning that in the sweet surrender of every area of my life I'm learning to really live.