I had a conversation with God one Wednesday night a couple weeks ago after small group. We had talked about what our priorities are and what we want our priorities to be. As I spent some time with God I opened up my Bible (I didn't use the app this time! ;)) and started reading through Psalms. A closeness and comfort came over me as I read through the familiar passages, remembering the times throughout middle school and high school and thereafter where those scriptures brought such joy through different seasons of life. At that moment I felt God whisper, "I miss our closeness." A child-likeness came over me as I spent some time responding and sitting in His presence. Life happens, the world shapes us, and one day we find ourselves not as close to the One whom we first loved. Some people still see me as that innocent girl who only seeks God and is unaware to the world. But I'm not anymore, not in the deepest parts of my heart. I don't spend time with him, I compromise, I seek other "loves" and "treasures" rather than Him. And it broke my heart that night because I realized how much has changed since then, since Christ was my first love. I realized that in losing focus of what really matters I not only lost a priority but I lost the intimacy that meant so much to me, and in fact, was my way of breathing and moving.
Pastor Jimmy reiterated what God had been speaking to me the following Sunday. He spoke on the intentional pursuit of Christ and how it shapes a sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. In order to find God we must crave Him. We have so many distractions from the world and thoughts in our own minds that we don't stop to spend time with Him. He said that while we can't always control the first thought that comes into our minds we can control what we dwell on. It's so easy to "quench" our thirst for Him with other things, other pleasures of the world, other people, our schedules, our thoughts and worries, it all. But it's like drinking a soda: it tastes great and seems to quench our thirst but ultimately we're just left with a bloated tummy and a desire for more. ;) I've been drinking water a lot more over the past year and once you get used to it, it's all you crave. I can get in the habit of drinking soda when I go out to eat but nothing truly satisfies as a cold drink of water. It's what our body innately needs and it's what it craves when we take all the other distractions away.
That same Sunday on the way home from church I felt God start talking to me again. One simple question as my mind started going to worries and troubles:
"Do you trust Me?"
It hit me and stopped my thought process. I sat there as reality settled and I evaluated where my mind goes. I replied the only way I knew how:
"I want to."
His response after that made it all come full circle:
His response after that made it all come full circle:
"Seek Me and you will find Me when you seek Me with all your heart."
It hit then. My understanding of my need for Him will directly correlate to the place He has in my life. In seeking Him, in craving Him and pursuing Him, trust will become second-nature like it used to be. His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts but Scripture tells us to renew our minds and to set them on things above, taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ. This will cause us to trust Him in the areas of our life we can't control and seek His discernment in the areas we can. But none of this can be done without the intimacy He desires and the change it brings. We see in part but He sees the whole picture. We cannot fix things or find ultimate satisfaction apart from Him, it's how we were created. In seeking His heart, our heart changes. And like the Psalms that have always meant so much to me, God loved David because He desires men and women after His own heart.
It hit then. My understanding of my need for Him will directly correlate to the place He has in my life. In seeking Him, in craving Him and pursuing Him, trust will become second-nature like it used to be. His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts but Scripture tells us to renew our minds and to set them on things above, taking every thought captive and making it obedient to Christ. This will cause us to trust Him in the areas of our life we can't control and seek His discernment in the areas we can. But none of this can be done without the intimacy He desires and the change it brings. We see in part but He sees the whole picture. We cannot fix things or find ultimate satisfaction apart from Him, it's how we were created. In seeking His heart, our heart changes. And like the Psalms that have always meant so much to me, God loved David because He desires men and women after His own heart.
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