Stop Apologizing

You know those moments when you run into someone or you need to get by someone and you both say "excuse me"?  Well, it took me a few times to realize it but I actually say, "I'm sorry."  I say I'm sorry to everything, from burdening someone with my problems to inanimate objects that I run into!  Apparently I did it back when living in Texas because the girls in my room made me wear a rubber band and snap my wrist every time I said I was sorry for something that I had no reason to really be sorry for.

I read an article about the 23 things women should stop doing and found apologizing was not only on the list but number one on the list.  Well, at least I'm not alone!  Ha!  But why?  Why do we apologize for things?

For me, it comes down to being sorry for being myself.  I know that's silly to think about but as a recovering people-pleaser (haha) it is definitely something that I have to work through.  And girls growing up battle with insecurities and self-doubt so even as we get older the things that are still sensitive areas for us generally are the areas that we are apologetic over.  For instance, if your parents always pushed you to be perfect and to make the best grades, subconsciously anytime you don't measure up to a certain standard, you may apologize for not being "enough" even if others are not actually holding you to that standard.

You know that quote that says in some variation, "The right people will love you for you and if they don't, they're not the right people"?  I believe it holds a lot of freeing truth in it for those of us who apologize for not being exactly what we think other people need.  I think about the Taylor Swift song that says, "She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts..."  This guy obviously only sees her as a friend and she is dramatically wishing that he would notice her.  I would be the one to apologize for something like that.  While I love to dress up and I love the way heels look and make you feel, I'd choose comfy flats over heels any day.  I don't wear a ton of make-up (I know, I know, it really helps and it's probably more apathy than anything ;)) and I don't need to be the center of attention.  I've just never been that person.  I've been silly and a bit innocent and hesitant.  And for the longest time I was like Taylor Swift in that song.  I apologized for being me and my self-worth was tied into what I wasn't and what I didn't measure up to, with guys or friendships or whatever.  But, keeping this example going, it's not that Taylor needs to apologize for not being the girl who wears the short skirts and she doesn't even need to be pining over the guy who is into those types of girls.  It just means that that guy is probably not the one she should be with.  It means that she shouldn't change who she is so someone will notice her worth.  

And I think in grasping that I will stop feeling like I need to apologize for everything. I think when you grasp the fact that being you is a beautiful and unique thing and that your worth really isn't determined by how people see you or how you measure up, it will free you to love yourself and allow the right people to love you for being you.