From a Thai Heart to Mine...He Fights

Sitting in a taxi in Vietnam, my friend Johanna from Germany told me a story she experienced while in Thailand. She had been working for close to 8 months as a short time worker helping church plant in central Thailand. I met her when she had come up to Chiang Mai to fill in the Dorm Assistant role as they waited for Emma and I to come to Thailand. Actually now, thinking back, if the process hadn't taken so long on this end, I would have potentially never met her! Can't say I wish I would have gotten there sooner, just because of that! :)

First you need to know some background of the Thai people and culture. They are very closed people...the sweetest people in the world, a land full of smiles, but tend to be more reserved in who they open up to. So she, another missionary there, and a thai woman were sitting, talking. It takes a while to build relationships with most Thais because they are so reserved. But finally they were breaking through with this woman. She was completely broken, crying, exposing her heart and the hurts found there. Then her husband came up. She quickly put on her sunglasses, composed herself, and said hello, acting like everything was fine!

That blew my German friend away! We had joked that Germans tend to be very bold and willing to say what's on their mind. She told me that she couldn't believe that this woman wouldn't even open up to her husband!

I sat imagining how the scene played out. I put myself in her shoes and realized that I would probably do the exact same thing. Obviously, I would hope that I'd be closer to my husband then that but knowing who I am now, if a man walked up to a conversation I was having with some sisters and I was crying my eyes out, pouring my heart out, I'd shut up real quick and pretend everything was fine.

I've been reading Captivating over the last couple days. My heart hurts with women like the Thai lady and women everywhere who struggle with the very heart-crys they have hidden. They have convinced themselves that who they are is not enough, that who they are is too much, and that they are simply not worth fighting for. As I was reading this book I felt so close to the Thai I had never met. I pray that she is continuing to open her heart and has found Christ trustworthy.

"Back off or, Leave her alone, or, You don't really want to go there--she's too much for you is something Satan has set against every woman from the day of her birth. It's the emotional and spiritual equivalent of leaving a little girl by the side of the road to die. And to every woman he has whispered, You are alone, or, When they see who you really are, you will be alone, or, No one will ever truly come for you."

-A Special Hatred (Chapter 5), Captivating

John was speaking there. He was speaking from a man's perspective and then shifting to the Enemy's lies to a woman. I think that is what haunts us as females. The Enemy tells us, through our experiences, our past, and our circumstances, that we are not enough, that we are too much, and not worth fighting for. And so some women hide. It's easier to expect no one will fight for you then to put yourself out there and be disappointed and abandoned once again. It's how we think.

Our hearts are a mystery, even a mystery to ourselves, because they have the capacity to hold so much love and beauty and thoughts and dreams. But once our little hearts have been rejected or misused we don't know what to do with our heart! Others don't know how to handle it and we don't either so we must hide our hurt and our emotion.

I guess I should keep reading. :) I haven't quite grasped how to completely heal from these kind of attacks but I'm beginning to understand who I was created to be and to not be ashamed of that. God is good....understatement of the day. :)