Blessed to HAVE Cerebral Palsy

edittt/// - He teaches Martial Arts!! How amazingly sweet is that?!?! My question is, "Can people with Cerebral Palsy live fulfilling and normal lives and make an impact on society?" He asked me the last time I met with him what I thought success was and what it means to live a fulfilling and normal life. That hit me. So I have to think about it and give him an answer by Thursday when I meet him in Durham where he is going to be teaching a 12 year old girl who has Cerebral Palsy Martial Arts. And he teaches people who don't have CP too! Woo!


"How...how..how does your...disability....affect you?"
"Well, sometimes I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words."
"...Does..does it...bother..you?"
"Yeah, I guess I get frustrated with it a lot."
"....Have you ever...written it...down?"
As realization hit my mom, dad, and my face, a big irresistible smile ran across his.

I met my mentor today. I don't know what I was expecting but I've never actually talked with a person who has Cerebral Palsy. I've lived in a pretty sheltered life concerning it, constantly hearing how blessed I am to have only the mildest of cases of it, shrugging it off; never really fully understanding what people were like who had it. I just knew it affected me with my coordination, my fine motor skills, and how I get my words out to people. I had e-mailed with him a little, so everything seemed like it would be cool. I guess I was expecting to be able to have a normal conversation with him and I really had no idea what I was getting myself into.

When I walked up to Starbucks in North Hills I knew it was him as soon as I locked eyes with him. I couldn't see all of him, but I knew it was him for some reason. As I went around the arch I saw all of him: sitting in a wheel chair, arms flailing with hands bent in a claw like way, kind of arched to one side. I grew instantly nervous. Thankfully my mom was with me but she wasn't much better because when she's nervous or feels like she's with someone who can't have a conversation back with her (poor extrovert. :D) she gets freaked out and moves around and laughs a lot. I had previously thought I could get him to sign my mentor sheet and FINALLY get it turned in, but I realized that this was not the case. My hands were almost shaking as I got out what I needed to give him and tired to talk with him. I'm sure my face was beat red from embarrassment as I realized I had to put it in his bag behind him. This was so out of my comfort zone for me but I knew God was doing something. As I started to talk to him my mind started racing like, I just gave him the mentor stuff. What if this doesn't work out?!? I can't possibly have a conversation with him! Can he talk to me? Will I understand him even if he does?!? How could I even tell him that it's not going to work out without hurting his feelings??" But as I started to talk with him I was in such disbelief that I could actually understand him! My mom sure couldn't! I felt so bad when she would be like, "Yeah, I understand." when he was just pausing to think about what he was trying to say. And sometimes I couldn't understand him myself because he would stop talking and then when he would stop something loud would happen and I couldn't hear.

I felt like I had some connection with him in some way. I understood a glimpse of how he felt when he would look up towards the sky and his eyebrows would furrow up, trying to think of the word he was trying to find to say. I've been there, of course not like him, but I've been there when I couldn't think of the words to say and I felt completely idiotic when the other person or people would continue on with what they were saying like my mom unintentionally did to him. So I guess I've learned how to listen because I've been so frustrated with people who have unintentionally did it to me. Plus, it was totally a God thing because I know I could not have felt such at peace with him on my own.

I feel like people think less of people that have disabilities like him because they don't understand them. I started out my meeting feeling like that, but the more I listened to him and the more we actually had conversation and the more he asked me questions that made me go, "Wow!" the more I realized how misunderstood people are. When I was e-mailing him earlier in the week he sent me something he wrote. He is a brilliant writer who wrote about how he waked for the first time on his wedding day when he said his vows to his wife (who does not have a disability or impairment at all) and walked for the first time ever down the ile (I know I spelled it wrong) with her. So as I was sitting talking with him I thought about how this person is a regular person who just has a hard time getting his thoughts into words. He's a person that you want to make smile because his smile is just so genuine and real and a thing that you would take for granted if he wasn't the person he is. Idk, I know that didn't make a lot of sense but it did to me. haha. :)

We are connected in our frustrations, him and I. We are connected in our disability; even if his is more severe then mine. We are connected in our love of writing as an outlet to our thoughts. We are connected with a special bond that I am blessed to HAVE. I've always been told that I'm blessed to have it not so severely but I feel blessed to have it anyways. My English teacher was talking about how I could be a spokesperson for people that have it. In my world of thinking, I never thought about this kind of thing because I never knew anyone who had it. Now, I don't know. All I know is God's doing something here by not shutting that door of him being my mentor. I don't know what, and it's definitely not going to be like a conventional Senior Project because it's going to take a bit longer on my side, but I'm stoked to find out. :)