Me, me, meee.

I tend to play my life on emotion. Am I happy? Am I sad? Do I feel like God is speaking to me in my quiet times? Do I feel loved? Do I feel disliked? Am I making this person happy? Is who I am not enough? Do I care at this point? Do I care at the next? Do I feel like stepping out today? Do I feel negative? Do I feel incomplete? Is my emotions taking hold of my life?

It's all about me, isn't it? Think about this. Take someone who has lived in the United States all their life. You know, the good life. Not completely, but they've worked for where they are. They are proud of where they are. This person is a pretty good Christian, goes to a great church, tithes, seeks God for every decision, and prides himself on the fact that because he was such a good servant to God, He has blessed him with all he has now. He is pretty humble, he doesn't mean it out of selfishness. That's just his worldview. He truly is grateful to God. Then this man gets an opportunity to go on a mission trip in the heart of Africa for two months. He agrees, getting stoked for all that God will do. The time comes for him to leave. He has to admit that he is bummed to leave all his stuff, but he's content none the less, and excited for what's to come. He leaves and then arrives. Initial shock, yes, but he eventually becomes enthralled and enticed in where he is. He sees these people, so poor, and yet truly living. As he sees them come to know Christ, come to hear the raw Gospel and as they hear the Gospel they become outraged at what people did to this man, Jesus, and he sees them fall to their knees in worship, out loud, praising Him for who He is, as he sees all of that, he begins to be changed from the inside out. He sees that they're poor, he sees that they have no hope for advancement in society, he sees how dirty, unwanted, and unloved they are to the world, and to his original home and his original worldview. His heart begins to break.

But it doesn't break for them. His heart breaks for those back in his home. His heart breaks for himself, for all that he has been taught by society and all he has viewed of God. He hears the Gospel here in such a different way then he did back home. He sees how the people react to who God is in such a different way. He realizes why. They think of themselves as undeserving. They come to God with such selflessness. They don't expect to get blessed, they know that life may not change for them, but that doesn't matter to them. The strong Disciples for Christ that live there reflect that as well. They give their life, every day. They know that their life is not centered around themselves, but rather God. They realize that it's all for God's Glory. They want to know Christ, and to suffer with Him. And they are living it! He realizes that his worldview is beginning to change because he was put in a place where he is getting nothing in return for what he's doing and loves doing it anyways.

The day arrives for him to leave to go back to the United States, his home. But it's not really his home anymore, most of, if not all of his heart will be in the heart of Africa. He comes home, steps off the plane, and instantly becomes homesick. He sees everyone in their cars, shopping bags in their hands, driving by churches with their nice bulletins saying things like, "Dare to live beyond your means!" and other things that all he can do is shake his head at. As he meets with his family that day, a reunion like no other, they can't get him to shut up about it. He tells of all he has learned and all that God taught him through this experience. They didn't understand as much as he would like, giving him that expression that people give someone when they want to understand but they know that they don't so they just smile nicely with hesitant eyes. He doesn't understand why they don't understand! They seems to be perfectly fine living in their luxury! He can't fathom why anyone would want to live like this?! It just doesn't make sense! And then he stops. And realizes something. He had been living the exact same way just two months ago. He can't believe that such a little, and yet such a long amount of time has gone by. Realizations dawns on him that people aren't going to change that easily. Just because his worldview has changed doesn't mean everyone else's worldview will.

I guess I've realized how selfish I am. I'm so caught up in my emotions and how I'm feeling and all that crap that I don't realize what I'm doing to myself, and how I'm viewing God and my time with Him.

"How we percieve this world is already broken because it's coming from a broken world." -Andy, I think.

How I percieve this world will play a big part in how I see it and how I deal with it. Knowing my worldview will force me to take my faith in to my own hands even more, and knowing other worldviews will help me know how to react with other people.

Lots of thoughts, lots of thoughts. Let me think them. (lol, reading that it looks like I'm being almost rude, but I'm not, I just meant as in, let me have time to think them through. haha, oops.) :)