Dreams can be the worst, best, and weirdest experiences! Not last night but the night before I had this dream where I got into a fight with a friend. It was more of an argument, but a good argument, one that probably is needed in this friendship. It got a lot of things out on the table even if we weren't happy with each other about it. I realized I really want that in friendships.
This past year while at the Honor Academy during the first semester I was having a very hard time connecting with my Core Advisor. I thought she was awesome but we didn't click as well. It got to a point where I voiced to a friend that I needed to go talk to her about it (and I hated confrontations so much more than I do now!) so after some coaxing and shoving on her part, I walked down the hall to her room. I asked if I could talk to her and so we sat down and she asked me what was going on. As we began to talk she said, "You know, I just feel like you don't trust me or that there is this wall between us." I agreed and shared with her where I was coming from. She shared where she was coming from and like magic the wall fell down! Before we knew it we were talking and laughing and from then on our friendship grew!
Thinking about that dream and thinking about the "meetings" we had at the Honor Academy where you would ask someone if they wanted to have a meeting and you'd set it up for breakfast, lunch, dinner or some other free time, I'm realizing that I want that in my life more. I think the way I come into friendships is either, "we hit it off great and there we go" or "we don't hit it off so well and so from then on I'm sort of weighing my odds in the friendship with how much I can trust the person, etc." And the second sadly happens a lot with my guy friendships. I just have a trust issue with them. I'm working on it but that's just where I'm at. And it's how my mind works. I don't want to share my heart with you unless I feel like I can be open with you. And for some friendships, like with my core advisor, it takes that initial,"something is wrong, let's talk about it," to fix it.
And I feel like I want accountability a lot more in my life. I just love it! And I believe that it's crucial for the body of Christ to grow and be challenged. There is such an air of tolerance that is slowly even creeping into the Church where no one wants to be offended or to offend others. Now, don't get me wrong, the right dose of tolerance isn't a bad thing, such as convictions, etc. But too much tolerance can be dramatically bad for the Church and goes against everything Jesus spoke on! We shouldn't get offended when a fellow believer says something to us. No, maybe you take it in and decide you don't need it but take the meat from the bones and throw away the rest. And do you think an iron sharpens an iron by saying, "Oh, I'm sorry, this may hurt, I shouldn't go there."? No way, Jose! :D One of my brothers from the HA just recently had a status that said, "have we become so thin skinned in America that nobody can rebuke us? the person that loves us the most will tell the truth. the false prophet will never rain on your parade. make things seems like a six flags over Jesus. Is God working in your life?....-Paul Washer
In the same way, a friend is someone that will sharpen you even if cutting away the excess may hurt. I definitely want that more in my life, And I want to be that for others, too!
I guess the Lord is working in me a lot with friendships and I say, "Keep working!" because I am no where even close to having it figured out. But I love people and I love being open with people! So where I need breaking, break me. Where I need healing, heal me. Where I need to move, push me.
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