My year - Twenty-Ten :)

January, I remember January being a very tough month. It started off wonderful, having a New Years party with all the interns. Each core dressed up as something different. We dressed up as those guys in the IPOD commercials who wore all black or all one color and dance around with ear buds in. :) It was so fun! Food, games, and an open mic of sorts. :) I still have videos on my phone :) We all were getting back into the swing of things, had core pictures, and were getting ready for the new interns to arrive. Then things started to get rough. I had a week of God preparing me through my favorite thing of all time: the sky, without me even realizing it. Then that Thursday night our core was rocked as we lost our dear Core Advisor. It was a rough night as the rain fell down outside along with our tears. The same night we were introduced to our new Core Advisor. Many feelings were flowing through us that night: disappointed, anger, sadness, forgiveness, and finally peace that the Lord had been preparing us the entire time. The new Januaries had come in previous to this but we hadn't gotten any new Januaries put into our core, thankfully. I think that would have been tough to deal with. January taught me the beauty in brokenness and the faithfulness of God through even the tough times.

February. I remember having our first Family Core gathering (our core, sister core, and brother core.) Along with the January brothers and sisters, we received some new August brothers as well. (It would be too complicated to explain but long story, short, our family went from being one of the smallest to the biggest!) We were going to go bowling but after that fell through we went to the mall. It was somewhat hard due to the wounds being raw but I was excited because a couple of the guys that I had been working with all year in Leadership Development joined our family! Then we had dinner with our new Core Advisor and just hung out and it was wonderful and so needed! :) Then Valentines Day! :) That was so much fun! At the Honor Academy, the brothers put together something for their sisters. Our brothers blind-folded us and drove us to one of the buildings on the property. They then put a group of us at a time in a line and unblind-folded us! It was set up to be a "club" type feel. They had a brother holding a cam-corder (if it was on, I still don't know) and another brother being the interviewer following us around! As we were walking in, there were "bodyguards" and one of our brothers acting like a crazy fan, asking us to sign a paper. Then when we walked in one of our brothers, who was really talented at DJing, was working the music, then another was making amazing smoothies for us. And the lights were all crazy, black lights and all! Then they served us dinner after we all hung out and it was so yummy and so awesome to see our brothers serving us and being Godly men & all. ;) We then all watched a movie together. But don't worry! We weren't the only ones spoiled! We had made all our brothers cards with cheesy Valentine lines and encouraging words and verses for them :) AND chocolate for them ;) Ok, obviously a girl shopped for this. I got the privilege of handing them out and it was so cool seeing the guys light up when they saw what was in the bag because after all they had done for us you could tell they appreciated being pampered as well. :) It was sweet because some of the girls started crying because of the simple fact that they were being shown how godly men are supposed to treat them. It was an awesome time.

March. April. May. I know there was more in February but it probabaly consisted of classes, work, meetings, stretching, growing, etc. :D Now March, April, and May. I know I could break them apart but I would have to go back to my journal and see for sure so I will just summarize, highlighting on some parts. I know these three months consisted of a LOT of Life Transforming Events. I was a missionary for three days, living outside, getting to know our tribe, and witnessing to them like it was actual real life! That changed my life, taught me a lot about fear and living through Christ. We went through World Awareness where we watched a ton of movies that made us extremley aware of the world, ran from an unjust government, and got thrown in jail where I was persecuted for being a Christian, along with my other fellow Christians. Those were probably two of my favorite Life Transforming Events besides ESOAL.

I am not lying when I say that this year (August - August) felt like 4 years. To explain it all would take spaces and spaces so I'll dive into a few more from those three months... Classes were filled with every single detail of every single kind of relationship! Aha, first semester I would consider more of the breaking and healing-you-focused semester, and second semester was more about you interacting with others. I heard every kind of relationship advice you can think of. Being in it, we were all extremely done with hearing each step in the courting process but looking back, I'm extremely grateful. Something I can hand to all those 8 am classes is that if a guy ever wants to pursue me I know exactly what I want and what I don't want...and what I want in each stage.

Those three months were also a very breaking time as well. The HA has what are called "roads" that you go down to stay a second year in a certain program. There was a road that God had called me to go down because of fear. He clearly told me that. I was confident that God didn't actually want me to stay as it (which may have been my downfall). I went into it having already failed which is something I'd advise never to do. At one point during the week, we had worship and as soon as the music started, I just started to bawl. Talk about a crybaby, but God was just bringing me to the end of myself and showing me who I am in Him. Through that road, I got accepted down a different path and went down another road which caused me to read a lot of Ezekiel. I love that book and all that the road taught me! I then went down a third road (seize all opportunities, right?) concerning Bethany College of Missions. I loved that road as well and it taught me to see through the eyes of different people. I had to wear a Muslim head-thing to Wal mart! It was a season of a lot of choices and decisions.

Work was also speeding up during these three months. We call the leaders to go on the trips in the summer so obviously we were calling our tails off! It was just another growing experience for me. It taught me the limits I put on myself when I feel like there are more qualified people around me. It challenged me to be more bold on the phones with people and showed me when it was obvious when I had nothing to give to people because I wasn't spending the time I needed to with God.

June. Summer schedule at Teen Mania! We worked 10-4 I believe instead of 1-8 or 9. I loved that schedule SO much more! Things were calming down at the office for me. It was bittersweet because we knew that things were coming to a close as they were about to speed up as people would go on different mission trips and see less of each other. As the weather got warming, my spirits rose! I think I'm generally a happier person during spring and summer months! :) I came home this month too! It was cool to see friends and everyone! I had extra break days and I wasn't sure if I was going to stay a second year or not so I wanted to come home and visit! I don't remember much of when I came back for that week or so...I remember shopping for Ecuador with my parents and I hung out with friends. It's just tough to remember it all. June means my BIRTHDAY! I was at Teen Mania. I got kidnapped and taken to get milkshakes by my wonderful co-workers! :) We went and saw a movie in Tyler that night and then that weekend we celebrated Sam and my birthday (coremates with the same birthday! she's just a year younger :)) We took core pictures then went dessert hopping at different restaurants! It was so fun!

July. Ecuador! This trip changed my life! I am going to forever look back at those two weeks! He really taught me about love. He taught me that love is a risk but His love makes it worth it. That phrase resounded through the entire trip. Hearing the testimonies of the men who killed Jim Elliot and the other missionaries rocked my world. Teaching the little kids and going into the homes of, literally, the broken touched my heart in such a huge way. I remember being so uncomfortable in the beginning and by the end of the trip I didn't want to leave the uncomfortable. Coming back to campus was when reality truly hit. The campus was so quiet as so many inters were on mission trips and it began to hit that things were truly ending. It was such a bittersweet time and we were counting down the days until everyone was back on campus again! Oh, I also got to spend some time with one of my brother's (biological) sisters who went on our trip! That was fun seeing some of the fam from our family! :) I miss Sonic! (A little sidenote.)

August. Sad times. We hung out with everyone one last time the night before Graduation after Gala. My family came! I got to show them around. Work was coming to a close. I wore my prom dress to Gala (it barely fit...oh the HA food...) and it was such a bittersweet moment as I read my letter I wrote to myself at the beginning of ESOAL and a letter my parents wrote to me! :) Then we graduated the next day. :/ Driving home was hard as tension rose in the car. We were listening to the radio, and believe me, it was a culture shock for me. Songs sounded so dumb ;) but I didn't mind listening to them. Then a song came on that was a little much and I asked if we could turn it off and I got so much attitude for it. That was just a breaking point for me. I broke down right there. It was a defining moment. It was the end of one season and the beginning of another. And the question set in front of me was, are you ready? I'm still ironing it all out but I'm finding that place where I am in this world but not of it. The HA wasn't a summer camp but it was a Discipleship camp that challenged me and taught me who I am called to be... whether I live by that is still what's He's growing me in.

September. October. November. These three months have had plenty of ups and some downs too. It was so great hanging out with friends and reconnecting with people! Fair, which I had missed SO much last year, was so much fun! I love reconnecting with people! Change happens and so that's sometimes hard especially because I had come back from a Greenhouse I had been in for a year...sometimes coming back has felt like starting over completely. There have been downs as well. Change can have great attributes and negative ones. It's been hard to not have as much purpose this past semester as I did in this past year. It was also hard to have so much to say and not consistent community to talk to about it. But overall, God has taught me a lot about priorities and friendship.

December. The end of the year. We got snow! Christmas was great with the family and it's honestly been great to be at home and spend time with them after being gone for a year.

This year has been a pretty great one! I wouldn't have changed it for anything! God has changed me so much in the last year and I pray that He continues to refine me through the fire. I feel like He has given me themes and occurences and specific things that He is calling me to be that I'm not in my own nature. I pray that He will prepare me and take me through the things I need to go through to be prepared. I love how He calls us to be qualities that we're not so that He can show us His Goodness, He'll get the glory, and He'll make our weaknesses, strengths.

What will 2011 look like? Thailand for the first half, prayerfully! Then, who knows about the second. My parents hope for a full education of some kind. ;) We'll see what God has in store! :)