So I'm making an Authentic List. No, it's not going to be a laundry list of my sins or some melodramatic cry for help. I just want to be real. And I want all of us to be real. I want to stop being shallow, asking how you are doing without really going deeper. I don't want to be apathetic to the cries around me nor stuck in my lack of vulnerability which blinds me to see anything but my own problems.
So here goes. My authentic list:
1. When I get really angry at my sister I sometimes cuss at her. Ha. Anyone that knows me would never see me doing that but it happens. It's funny that your family is probably the only people you are completely raw with, the people that see you with your guard down and your fists up. Again, this is not meant to be a laundry list of sin but I'm tired of things being hidden and never fixed. In me.
2. Maybe it's just my personality but unless I'm really close to you, you won't know if I'm having a bad day. Even if I just had a meltdown in the car or just was in a fight with a family member, I will put on a happy face and put it in a storage unit in the back of my mind to go back to later. That's just natural for me. I tend to feel that you don't want to hear about my crap; I tend to want to help everyone else without showing what's going on in me.
3. I'm not a "go-getter". Jumping at what God wants me to do in the big ways is easy for me but I struggle with the daily things. This is why going back to school is a struggle for me. Send me back across the world? I'm all for it! But put me in a classroom of mundane and I'm afraid I might suffocate. ;D Discipline. It's one of those things I'm trying to work on. ;) If it's not something big, I have to push myself.
4. If we're really being real...I have a hard time trusting guys. Haha. I mean, read my previous blog if you want to be clued in. :D I'll tell you what I want to do in life, I'll share with you how great God is, but step closer and I will turn into Miss. Independent. Natural reaction. I'll trust that you're terrific. I'll trust that God has huge plans for you. But it'll take a lot to open up my heart. Hehe, not that I have guys throwing rocks at my window or anything but if I do get a Future Husband (fingers crossed ;)), I always joked God would have to make it extremely clear & surprise me from behind, haha.
5. I make a noise when I sleep (tired of the deep stuff ;D). I've done it since I was little. Since I was little I would put my fist to my cheek and use it to bite my cheek & make a "YI-ee-yI." Oh yeah, I make for a fun roommate. ;) In Vietnam we slept in the same room with the guys in the village we went to with just a curtain and some space separating us. I was on the end closest to the dudes. Rodney, who was our leader, woke up because of me. I'm like, what the crap, God? Can I be cured?? Haha, it makes for some good ol' humility and embarrassment. I guess it's like loud snoring but I don't snore!! No fair! And as soon as you kick me I stop. Crap. I'm never getting a husband. Stupid authentic list. I'm going to open up a coffee shop called "Spinsters for Life Coffee". That'll sure bring in the customers. ;)
6. I love Jesus. How's that for authentic? Like, the gospel trips me up EVERY TIME! And I'll be sad if it ever stops! I don't think you can properly explain the Gospel without the "doom" that comes before. Without it, you' feel you deserve the righteousness of God instead of being blown away that someone could wash away everything we've ever done. It's nothing that we could have done! We are wretched creatures and our hearts are deceitful above all things(Jeremiah 17:9). We can't choose God on our own (No, this is neither a Calvinist reference nor an Arminius reference. I follow Christ, not man.) (can't find the verse that backs it up, but it's there). It's because He first chose us! If we understand our depravity and call on Him, turning away from our old way, He will surely be with us! It's beautiful!
7. I get annoyed with Christians that pretend everything is ok. (Hehe, I think I'm speaking to myself, aren't I? :D) We all do it. I just get tired of seeing everything look nice on the outside and then it being hidden when things do go wrong. Authenticity, humility, vulnerability, and accountability. That is all I will say. Please, never get sucked into an "image" of what a Christian is supposed to look like. You will drown and probably take others with you. Seek God and stay accountable and vulnerable.
8. Criticism in the body of believers. I'm not talking about when things are tested; I'm talking about being critical. Don't get that confused, for sure! But there is also a saying that says, "If they'll talk about others in front of you, they'll talk about you in front of others." I don't know if it's a saying or if I just made it up, but you get the point (It sounds good enough for "them" to say it, right? ;)). It's in the heart. If discernment comes out of a heart of love then great, but if it comes from judgment, FLEE before the devil gets ya! ;) Love everyone till it hurts.
Hm. I think authentically speaking, I'm worn out. But hopefully this is a good start. And I hope it challenges others to be authentic too. 7 and 8 aren't supposed to be just annoyances but I'm challenged to go deeper with things and not let them just sit. I want to love others. I want my friends to be people that are defined by their love for Christ and their love for others. It starts when we are raw, when we are the real deal and when we come to the end of ourselves and let Him have our messed up lives and ways of thinking. I'd rather you cuss if that is to you, authentic. I don't care what you look like, I care that you are being radically changed by God, each and every day and through that change working along side Him in what He's doing.
Be different because God's working in you, not because it's what you're supposed to look like.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't be like the world just to run away from the Christians that are hypocrites.
I think the line between those two statements can only be found in authenticity and dependency on God. Let's be real and change things.
No comments:
Post a Comment