That does not mean it's a name I will carry into my future.
Jacob is a guy in the Bible that I feel I relate with more times then not. He was the passive-mama's boy who did what he was told and stole the birthright and blessing from his brother. Personality-wise I relate with him. I would rather please people then start arguments. I go with the flow before I stop and think, "hm, maybe I should say something here." So I feel I can somewhat understand his viewpoint as I read his story in Genesis.
Once the deed was done and Jacob had the birthright and blessing Isaac, the father of Esau and Jacob, didn't want them to marry someone outside the Israelite people. Esau had already married a couple Canaanite women. So Isaac is like, "OK, I have the birthright like my mom told me and now I better go do what dad says (He might be still pissed I stole that birthright...mom and him are still "talking" on that one. ;)) I'm kidding, that's not in there, but really, what would YOUR family look like if that had happened?!
But while he was on his way to the place his father had sent him to find a stand-up woman, he had a dream about a ladder reaching to the heavens and angels of God were ascending and descending on it and the Lord stood above it and spoke to him! I heard a pastor in Thailand suggest that it was then that his relationship with God really became real to him. Before then he was just following orders...but it was then, when God spoke to him that he realized that God really was for him and it became his own.
Now fast forward a little. Jacob had married Leah and Rachel and lots of drama went down with that. And lots more drama with how he became so prosperous but God took care of that (you can read it - Genesis 29-31). But let's get to Genesis 32. Esau is coming for him. Remember Esau, the one that was supposed to have the birthright and blessing? The one that was still pretty pissed at him for stealing it? Well, Jacob's past is about to catch up to him. Things unresolved always have a way of finding you out.
As I would be, Jacob is scared out of his mind. He knows their history...he knows how furious Esau was last time they saw each other and I don't think he was thinking "absence makes the heart grow fonder" in this case. So he's pleading with God, sending gifts ahead, trying it all, to fix this.
What I LOVE about this story is what happens next. That night Jacob wrestles with God! All night! Now, I don't know all the reasonings and theological back-up for this passage, though I want to learn...I bet it's amazing! But I love it, non the less! Jacob had been freaking out all day...and then he wrestles with someone who ends up being God! He wouldn't let go of God until He had blessed him. God gives him a limp and a new name. These are the facts.
To me, this is beautiful. Jacob's past is about to come up to his face. He had been crying out to God and then God wrestles with Him. I really don't know why God gave Jacob a limp but to me, it's a reminder. I have failed in my past. I have been a "Ruin-er of Good Things". And I get scared when it comes back...because I don't know how to fix it apart from God. And so I have wrestled with Him. And God has shown me things through it.
I think the things that scar us aren't meant to go away for good. We are meant to carry them with us in the right light. God gave Jacob the limp...maybe as a reminder of the pain he caused Esau, maybe as a reminder of how good God is, I don't know. But He gave it to him. Sometimes others hurt us. Sometimes we hurt others. But the beauty of God is that He gives us a new name. The Jacob that stole from his brother, that was a people pleaser, that really didn't "deserve" any of the blessings that God gave him because of his past and the things that defined him, was given a new name, Israel.
Don't let the names of your past define you. Sometimes we don't find God without the pain. But when God meets with us, He changes us. He calls us by a new name and gives us a new identity, because that's who He is.
And you know what the best part of the story is?
This...
But Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept.
Genesis 33:4
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